INSTRUCTIONS · YOUR CORE VALUES
How to Work
the Deck
Three ways to move from cards to clarity.
There is no single right way to use Your Core Values. Start with The Funnel to find what matters most. Return to the deck whenever life shifts. What follows are three practices, each meeting you where you are.
01 - Solo
01
The Funnel
The Funnel is one man, one deck, one quiet hour. Go through the seventy-two cards, one at a time. Sort them into three groups. Narrow the pile that matters. Then rank what's left. By the end, you will name the ten values driving your decisions right now.
THE SETUP
Give yourself space. Away from distractions. Time enough to move slowly. As a rough guide: thirty minutes for a fast pass. Forty-five for a considered one. An hour for a deep dive.
SORT
Take each card in turn. Read the front. Read the back if you want more. Your definition matters more than the card's. The card is a guide. Sort into three piles:
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Your Core Values. The values that matter to you now.
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Worth Holding. Values that matter but are not central today.
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Set Aside. Values that feel less relevant at this stage of life.
Choose what's true for you right now. Trust the first response.
NARROW TO TOP 10
From Your Core Values pile, narrow to a Top 10. A few ways to get there:
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Go through the pile again and move cards to Worth Holding until ten remain.
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Group similar cards together, then choose the one that best describes each cluster.
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Use a combination.
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Or find your own way.
Whatever gets you to ten values that are actually yours.
RANK
Rank them 1 (most important) to 10 (least). Keep refining until every value has a place.
SITTING WITH TOP 10
With the ten values in front of you, ask:
Are there any surprises? A value you didn't expect to see there? One you thought would land that didn't?
Which values are asking for more of you? Where are you strong on paper and quiet in practice?
Where's the gap between what you rank and how you live?
SIT WITH THEM
Take your Top 3. Carry them for a week. Notice where they show up. Notice where they go quiet. The point is awareness of what's actually there. Extend it. Sit with your Top 5 the following week. Then Top 10. The more you carry them, the more they solidify as the values driving how you live.
WHEN TO RETURN
Do The Funnel once now. Do it again a year from today. Same day, same practice. Return to it at every threshold. Starting a relationship. Ending one. Having a child. Changing career. Recovering from loss. Any moment where the ground shifts under you. You change over time. Your values change with you. The Funnel is how you check the compass. Compare. Some values will hold. Others will move. That's the shape of a life being lived.
You have your compass now. The work is steering by it.
02
The Colour Read
Your Funnel left you with four groups: Top 10 (ranked), Your Core Values, Worth Holding, Set Aside. The Colour Read looks at each through its categories. By the end, you will see the shape of what you're leading with, what still draws you, what's on the shelf, and what you're stepping back from.
THE NINE CATEGORIES
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Character & Integrity. The moral spine.
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Inner Life. The inner terrain.
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Love & Relationships. The intimate ground.
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Purpose & Legacy. What you build and leave behind.
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Balance & Wellbeing. The foundations of a life.
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Strength & Spine. What holds you steady in the storm.
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Mind & Growth. How you evolve.
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Connection & Belonging. The bonds that strengthen life.
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Expression & Vitality. What brings you alive.
THE SETUP
Have your four piles in front of you from The Funnel. Twenty minutes for a considered read.
DO A READ ON EACH PILE
For each pile, group the cards by category. Some categories will have three or four cards. Others will have one. Some will have none. Look at the pattern.
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Your Top 10. Your leading edge. What's actually running you now.
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Your Core Values. The wider circle of what draws you. What made your first cut.
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Worth Holding. What's on the shelf. Values that matter but aren't central today.
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Set Aside. What is not important to you right now.
THE THREE QUESTIONS
For each read, ask:
What am I leading with? Which category is loaded?
What's quiet? Which categories have one or no cards?
What's asking for attention?
EXAMPLE PATTERNS
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Four cards in Character & Integrity and Strength & Spine in your Top 10. You're leading with the moral spine and holding steady. Ask whether the intimate and the vital are being asked to wait.
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A loaded Purpose & Legacy pile in Your Core Values, quiet in your Top 10. You're drawn to legacy but not ranking it highest. Ask what would change if you did.
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Set Aside heavy in Expression & Vitality. You're stepping back from what brings you alive. Ask why.
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Nothing in Love & Relationships across any pile. Ask what's happening in the intimate ground.
There is only what's true for you right now. Each pattern is a question the read hands you. You bring the answer.
WHEN TO RETURN
Do The Colour Read right after The Funnel. Then again after each future Funnel. The patterns will change as your piles change. Watch the shifts over time. A category that was loaded a year ago and is quiet now tells you about a season you've moved through. A category that was quiet and is now loaded tells you what you've grown into.
03
The Pressure Test
A practice for after The Colour Read. Now you will see which values hold under pressure.
Your Top 10 sound right in the quiet moments. The test is what holds when your back is against the wall. The Pressure Test puts your ranked values against real-life scenarios. It reveals your load-bearing values.
THE SETUP
Same as The Funnel. Space, no distractions, time enough to move slowly. Thirty minutes minimum. Have your Top 10 in front of you, ranked 1 to 10.
THE METHOD
Take a specific scenario from your life. A real one. Ask: In this situation, which values hold? Which went quiet? Then ask harder: If I could only keep one of these ten, which one would I keep? That's the value you'd release last. Take it off the pile first. Ask again with the nine that remain: If I could keep only one, which would I keep? Do this until every value has a place. You've now re-ranked the ten by what actually holds under the pressure of this situation.
THE TRADE-OFF QUESTIONS
Values compete. Real life makes them compete. The Pressure Test forces the comparison you avoid when things are easy. Ask yourself:
If I had to choose between Family and Ambition today, which one wins?
If Honour and Loyalty pulled in different directions, which one holds?
If Freedom and Security were the only two on the table, which stays?
The answer is which values are needed most in the moment.
WHAT THE TEST REVEALS
Some pressure tests confirm what you thought. Others show you something you didn't expect. A value you rank high on paper isn't always the one you'd keep when it actually counts. That's the discovery. Here's what it can mean when a value doesn't hold:
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It's still becoming yours.
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It's inherited, and you can now choose to keep it or set it aside.
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It matters, but it sits under something more important.
Sit with which one is true, for each value the test brings to light.
THE TEST SCENARIOS
Values that show up in only one or two pressure tests are what's required of you in those scenarios. Now you know. The values that hold through repeated tests are your load-bearing values. They are the ones that are true to you. They are your compass, your bearing. The Top 10 often becomes a truer Top 5. Or Top 3.
WHEN TO RETURN
Do The Pressure Test the week after The Funnel. Return to it to guide any situation or to balance multiple situations such as conflict, loss, a big decision. The pressure will have shown you something. The Pressure Test is a repeat practice. It shows you who you actually are. Or what is required in the moment.
04
The Aspiration
A practice for after The Pressure Test. Now you will see the gap between how you live and how you want to live.
The Aspiration is one man, one deck, two sorts. The first sort is The Funnel. The values driving your decisions right now. The second sort is what you'd choose if you were the man you're becoming. Lay them side by side. See where they overlap. See where they differ.
THE SETUP
Have your Funnel Top 10 in front of you, ranked. Set the deck out fresh. You'll go through it again. As a rough guide: forty-five minutes for a fast pass. An hour for a deep dive.
THE ASPIRATIONAL SORT
Sort the deck a second time. This time, sort by what you want to be running you. The values you'd want to be leading with if you were the man you're becoming. The husband, father, leader, friend you want to be. Who you're heading toward. Choose from what pulls you. Trust the first response. Narrow to a Top 10. Rank them.
LAY THEM SIDE BY SIDE
Put both Top 10s in front of you.
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The Living List. Your Funnel Top 10. What's running you now.
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The Aspiration List. Your new Top 10. What you want to be running you.
THE OVERLAP
Values on both lists are your stable ground. You already live them and you'd still choose them if you rebuilt from scratch.
THE GAP
Ask:
What's on your Aspiration List that's missing from your Living List? These are the values you want to grow into.
What's on your Living List that's missing from your Aspiration List? These are values you're carrying that you'd set aside if you could. Inherited. Performed. Out of date.
What has moved rank? A value that was #8 on the Living List and #2 on the Aspiration List is telling you where to put your attention.
WHAT THE GAP TELLS YOU
The gap is a map. A big gap means you're at a threshold. A season of shifting values. A small gap means you're living close to who you want to be. Both are useful information. Sit with the gap. Bring one aspirational value into your Daily Core practice. Do a Pressure Test on it. Watch where it lives and where it goes quiet. If the two lists match, one of two things is true: growth has gone quiet, or you're already the man you want to be. Sit with which.
The gap closes when the man closes it. That's the shape of growth.
WHEN TO RETURN
Do The Aspiration a month after The Funnel. Then again yearly. Compare all three columns over time. Living, Aspiring, and where they close.
02 - With Another
05
The Two-Way
The paired version of The Funnel. For any real relationship worth doing the work in.
The Two-Way is The Funnel done with someone. Two funnels, done separately, then brought together. Then a conversation about what each of you found. For partners. Sons. Fathers. Close mates. Anyone in a relationship where knowing each other more clearly is worth the time.
THE SETUP
Both of you do The Funnel separately first. Same practice, same steps. Both narrow to a Top 5. The frame shifts slightly: your Top 5 is about the relationship, not you alone. "What matters most to me in how we do life together" is what you're sorting for. Allow at least ninety minutes for the shared part. Somewhere quiet.
THE SHARE
Sit together. Take turns. One person shares their Top 5. All five, one at a time. For each value, they say:
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What this value means to me.
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Where I see it living in our relationship.
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Where it goes quiet.
The other person listens with full attention. Silence until it's their turn. Then swap. Second person shares their Top 5 the same way.
NOTICE WHAT EMERGES
Once both are shared:
Where do our lists overlap? Values on both lists are the shared ground of your relationship. This is what you're already building on.
Where are they different? Different values mean different priorities. That's information about how each of you moves.
Where's the tension? A value that's high for you and quiet for them (or the reverse) is where friction lives. Look at that together.
Where's the growth? Values on their list that resonate but weren't on yours. And the reverse.
THE OPPOSITE
No defending. No fixing. No convincing. Just understanding. Most conflicts sit on the surface. Underneath, they're about misaligned values, or values one of you has yet to see in the other. When both people see clearly, understanding becomes possible.
EXTENDING THE PRACTICE
Once you've done the shared Funnel, the deeper Two-Way practices open up:
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The Colour Read Together. The patterns in what you both hold.
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The Pressure Test Together. Stress-test the values you share.
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The Aspiration Together. Where you are, where you're headed as two.
A NOTE ON GROUPS
The Two-Way is for intimate one-on-one work. For team meetings, men's groups, and club use, see Group Applications.
WHEN TO RETURN
Do The Two-Way once when you're both ready to know each other more clearly. Do it again at any threshold. A big decision. A rough patch. A new season together. Values change. Together, you change with them. The Two-Way is how you check in.
06
The Colour Read Together
The paired version of The Colour Read. Now you will see the patterns in what you both hold.
The Colour Read Together is done after both of you have completed The Funnel and The Colour Read separately. You each bring your pattern to the table. You look at what your two shapes tell you together. Where do you grow together? What direction is the relationship moving? What's asking for attention?
THE SETUP
Have both your reads in front of you. Both piles laid out by colour. Top 10s side by side is enough for a first pass. Twenty to thirty minutes for a considered look.
COMPARE THE PATTERNS
Lay your Top 10 patterns next to each other. Look at both.
Where do your loaded categories overlap? These are the shared domains of your life together. Where you're both leading with the same energy.
Where do your loaded categories differ? These are the different domains each of you carries. One leads with Character; the other with Expression. Both are true.
Where's the quiet across both of you? Categories with nothing (or almost nothing) on either list. This is the domain currently getting less attention from both of you. Is that a season, or something to look at?
THE THREE QUESTIONS TOGETHER
Ask each other:
Where are we leading together? Which category is loaded across both patterns?
What's quiet across both of us? Which category has nothing on either list?
What's asking for attention in the relationship? What is the combined pattern telling you?
WHAT THE COMBINED SHOWS
Two people together can carry more categories than one person alone. A relationship where one holds the moral spine and the other holds vitality is one that covers more ground. That's a strength. A relationship where the same category is quiet in both is worth looking at. It may not matter to either of you, or it may be a domain calling for attention together. Sit with which.
WHEN TO RETURN
Do The Colour Read Together whenever you both revisit The Funnel. Compare against the previous read. Where did the shared shape shift? What did you grow into together? What faded?
07
The Pressure Test Together
The paired version of The Pressure Test. Now you will see which shared values hold under pressure.
The Pressure Test Together is done after you've both completed The Two-Way. You've named your shared values. This is where you find out which ones hold when the relationship is tested.
THE SETUP
Have your shared values in front of you. The overlap from The Two-Way. The values you both put in your Top 5. Thirty minutes minimum.
THE METHOD
Take a scenario from your relationship. A real one. A moment of tension, decision, or difficulty. Ask together:
In this situation, which shared values held?
Which went quiet?
If we could only keep one shared value in that moment, which would we keep?
Work through the shared list the same way you did solo. Re-rank by what actually holds under pressure in the relationship.
THE TRADE-OFF QUESTIONS FOR THE PAIR
Two people don't always choose the same thing. The Pressure Test Together surfaces where you'd hold in the same direction and where you'd pull apart. Ask each other:
If we had to choose between Family and Ambition today, would we agree on which wins?
When Loyalty and Honour pulled in different directions, would we hold the same one?
If Freedom and Security were the only two on the table, would we pick the same?
Where you agree, you have shared ground. Where you differ, you have information about how each of you moves under pressure.
WHAT THE TEST REVEALS
Sometimes a value you both named holds for one of you and not for the other. That's important information. Sit with why. Is it a difference in what you each need from the value? Is it a difference in how you learned it? Both are true. Both are worth knowing.
WHEN TO RETURN
Do The Pressure Test Together after any tough season in the relationship. A conflict. A big decision. A loss. Compare against previous tests. Where did the shared values hold this time? The Pressure Test Together shows the shape of how you two hold together. And where the seams pull.
08
The Aspiration Together
The paired version of The Aspiration. Now you will see the gap between how you live now and how you want to live together.
The Aspiration Together is done after you've both completed The Aspiration solo. You each brought two lists. Now you bring two Aspiration Lists to the table. Where you're already living close to who you want to be as a pair. Where the gap sits. Where growth is asking for both of you.
THE SETUP
Have both your Aspiration Lists in front of you. Your Living Lists too, if you want to see the fuller picture. Forty-five minutes for a considered look.
COMPARE THE ASPIRATION LISTS
Where do your aspirations overlap? These are the values you both want to be leading with. The direction you're pointed together.
Where do your aspirations differ? These are the different directions each of you is pulled toward. Neither is wrong. Both are true.
Where does one of you aspire to a value the other already lives? That's a gift. The one already living it can show the other what the practice looks like.
THE GAP FOR THE PAIR
Look at what you both aspire to but neither of you lives yet. That's the shared growth edge. Ask:
What are we both wanting to grow into?
What are we both already living but ranked lower on our Living Lists?
What is asking for us to move together?
WHAT THE SHARED GAP TELLS YOU
Where two people share an aspiration, the work becomes easier. You have a partner in the growth. Where your aspirations diverge, the work is to honour each other's direction while finding what you build together. If both your Aspiration Lists match your Living Lists closely, one of two things is true: you're already growing together toward who you want to be, or growth has gone quiet in both of you. Sit with which.
WHEN TO RETURN
Do The Aspiration Together yearly. Same day, same practice. Compare against last year. What did you both grow into? What has stayed on the aspiration side? The relationship changes when both people grow. The Aspiration Together is how you check the shared course.
03 - Daily
09
The Daily Core
The lightest practice. Five minutes each morning. Two minutes each evening.
The Daily Core is one card, one man, one day. You draw a card. You sit with it. You carry it. At the end of the day, you look at what happened. Repeated over time, this is how a value moves from the paper it's printed on into the shape of your life.
THE MORNING
Shuffle the deck. Draw one card. That value is your one for today. Read the front. Read the back if you need more. Ask:
Where is this value already showing up for me?
Where is it going quiet?
What would it look like to live this value more fully today?
Five minutes. That's the whole thing.
THROUGH THE DAY
Carry the card with you. In a pocket, on the desk, in the car. Somewhere you'll see it. Notice opportunities to live it. A conversation where the value could show up. A decision where it could steer. A moment where noticing changes what you do next. You're paying attention. That's the whole practice.
THE EVENING
Sit with the card again. Two minutes is enough. Ask:
How did I honour this value today?
Where was it quiet?
What did I learn?
The evening reflection is where the day teaches you. What you notice is what you remember. What you remember is what you can build on.
WHY THIS WORKS
Values change how you live one moment at a time. The Daily Core makes those moments visible. A man who sits with Honesty for a day sees where he softens the truth. A man who sits with Patience for a day sees where he pushes. A man who sits with Presence for a day sees where he checks out.
What you see, you can change. The Daily Core is how you see.
Do it once, and you'll learn something. Do it every day for a month, and the deck starts to shape how you show up.
WHEN IT BECOMES AUTOMATIC
After a while, the practice moves inside you. You'll find you're carrying a value in your mind. The card can stay in the drawer. You can still draw a card each morning. The ritual holds even when the reminder becomes internal.
VARIATIONS
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Focused pull. Instead of a random draw, choose a specific value to sit with. One from your Aspiration list. One that didn't hold in your last Pressure Test. Same mechanics, targeted attention.
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Paired daily. You and your partner both draw a card each morning. Share what you drew over coffee. Compare at day's end.
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Weekly deep pull. Draw one card on Sunday night. Carry it all week. Reflect deeply the following Sunday.
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The Journal Pull. Draw a card, then write for five minutes. Uncensored. What comes up comes up.
WHEN TO RETURN
The Daily Core is a practice you return to daily. That's the whole shape. When you skip a day, come back the next morning. The practice waits.
10
The Daily Core Together
The paired version of The Daily Core. Draw the card together. Live it in the relationship.
The Daily Core Together is one card, two people, one day. You draw the card each morning. Both of you sit with it. Both of you carry it into the day. At the end of the day, you compare what you saw.
THE MORNING
Shuffle the deck. Draw one card together. That value is yours for the day. Read the front. Read the back if you need more. Ask each other:
What does this value mean to me?
What does it mean to you?
Where does it live in our relationship?
Five minutes over coffee. That's the whole thing.
THROUGH THE DAY
Both carry the value in mind. Notice where it shows up in your day. Notice where it shows up between you. A moment where you brought the value into a conversation. A moment where the value could have steered something between you. A moment where you noticed the other person living it.
THE EVENING
Come back together. Ten minutes is enough. Ask each other:
How did I honour this value today?
How did I see you honour it?
Where was it quiet, in me and between us?
You're building shared awareness. The same value, seen from two angles, in the same day.
WHY THIS WORKS
A value lived in a relationship changes both people. Doing The Daily Core Together makes that visible in real time. You start to see how the same value shows up differently in each of you. Where you push the value and they hold it. Where they push it and you hold it. Where you both let it slide together.
VARIATIONS
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Weekly draw with a partner. Draw a card together on Sunday. Carry it all week. Compare on Saturday.
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Team draw at work, in a men's group, on a sports team. Draw a card at the end of one meeting. Everyone carries it. Discuss at the start of the next meeting. See Group Applications for the full team format.
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Family draw. Draw a card as a family. Kids can hold their own version of the discussion. Values become the family's shared language.
WHEN TO RETURN
The Daily Core Together works best as a daily ritual you build into an existing routine. Morning coffee. Evening walk. Bedtime conversation. Anchor it to something that already happens. When you skip a day, come back the next morning. The practice waits.
LOOKING FOR PATTERNS
Once you have your Top 10, take a step back.
Look at where they come from. Do several sit in the same category? Are some categories heavily represented? Are others quiet? There is no right answer.
Life changes. Values move with it. The categories make the patterns visible.
The goal is not perfect balance. The goal is awareness.
Awareness creates choice. Choice creates change.
As you work through the deck, notice where your values sit. You will discover strong themes. You will notice imbalances. You will see strengths that have shaped your life for years. And areas that have quietly been asking for attention.
A man building a business will often see Strength and Purpose dominate.
A man becoming a father will often see Love and Connection rise.
A man recovering from burnout will often find Balance and Inner Life become more important than they have ever been.
